Ego Vessel Ick. Dolly.

I was prepared to write about performing and promoting and this year. How it has been.

What I have seen and felt. And what I have decided.

But a wee moment changed everything. I had finished hoovering and sat down to glance at Facebook. I was stunned to see a photo of Dolly Parton and an RIP. Did any of us expect this?

She had been making small videos apologizing and saying she had a few little health things to sort out before coming back to us.

And now she is gone.

Perhaps we never knew the little woman without her wig and her boobs and her dimples.

But we did know her songs. We felt them and sang her stories. From "Jolene," covered by everyone from Brandi Carlisle to Beyonce', to the beautiful "Coat of Many Colors" to, of course,

"I Will Always Love You." Songs so emotional and personal, yet not insincere or smarmy.

Dolly Parton was generous, funny, ,and managed to bridge the political divides by declaring her God was not a Republican or a Democrat!

She was prolific. A tremendous singer. A wonderfully funny actor. Sexy and able to laugh at herself.

All of these qualities. What a loss for the world.

We're in a world where we as songwriters and performers want to be "the vessel" to carry energy and hope and positive humanity to others.

But it's hard. A lot falls on us. We have to endlessly promote ourselves, sell product, make people aware of who we are and what we have made. It's exhausting and feels like a job we have to pay to keep.

Along the lines, we find others like ourselves, and seek solace with them. But oftentimes, each of us is so wrapped up into trying to create, produce, publicize and promote, perform and afford, there is little energy left for anyone else.

There are the swaths of youth lining up to witness themselves, their generation reflecting their vibe.

Then there are the older generations, basking in remembrance and nostalgia and recreating their youth, for those who don't want to let go of their own vitality.

Between these two crowds are the weirdoes who write personal stuff, perform it fairly well, and can grab others who are not into scenes and like bedroom listening and can pretend they've found a muse or a friend in someone they discovered who is not a sell-out a corporate brand or even popular.

In music, today, there is something for everyone.

And everyone can be a Pop Star. A Folk Star. A Rock Star. A Bedroom Writing Introvert.

Perhaps AI will facilitate even more glut.

The availability and affordability of technology making anyone and everyone with a modicum of gear a music producer. The availability of so much free music online that anyone can listen to anything and borrow from it.

Capitalism is still at play and looking for the best brands . The ones that will pull the largest groups of consumers. The artists who can also sell and act and dance and tour and devote everything to the industry.

I used to want that.

Now I have made a record and performed with a three piece. And it's been one of the most rewarding experiences of my musical life. To have the ability to play electric guitar, solo, let my emotions filter through my instrument, trust my fellow players to uphold me with groove.

Playing like this is more fun than going to see others play. That is for certain.

But what comes next?

Part of me is very tired of the endless promotion machine.

I was told by someone on Facebook that I am like everyone else: using social media to network and promote myself.

Something in me felt a disgust. I don't want to live in this "sea of me."

Aren't there more important matters at hand to dedicate energy to, than myself and my songs?

I have not come to a decision about what next year will bring.

Somehow is there a way to give back to the world completely with whatever talents I have? Without having to sell product and self and image and song?

Would anyone even miss me if I left all of this behind?

Likely not. The glut goes on.

But Dolly is gone.

Is the age of people like Dolly gone?

This is the question I ask myself.

I keep making. Not sure if it matters.

But also not so sure that it doesn't.

If even one bird is somehow now extinct, don't we mourn that loss?

We must each have our chirp.

And mourn that gorgeous multi-colored Dolly for her glorious birdsong

We can only imitate and carry into the next generation.