top of page

STUFF I DO AS A GIRL

Writer's picture: Feef MooneyFeef Mooney

photo credit: Marc Marnie


(Warning: In an effort to be honest, I may be crude. Something not very girly.)

What kind of girl am I? Well, not a girl, actually. Full grown. The W word. The Helen Reddy and Aretha Franklin word.

With requests never to call me LADY. DEAR.

or Ma'am. Or Fee-Fee (the name of a dog)

However, in my wee mind, I'm still a girl who does her own girlish thing.

Some girls I know do their nails and wear extensions and colours and designs.

No, I don't. I play guitar with no plectrum.

Some girls blow dry their hair when they go out and wear expertly applied make-up.

I do not. Though I have taken to red lipstick.

I look in the mirror as little as possible and I don't wear my glasses. My world is fuzzy around the edges.

I still like to skip and I like to sing to myself, when walking on the sidewalks, or in the car.

I don't like Outlander and romance movies and series and books. I like documentaries.

I do like to cook, though, and I don't mind grocery shopping, watering plants, making beds, doing laundry, and hoovering.

I remember people's birthdays with cards and calls, as I was taught to do.

I keep a journal and I read meditation books in the morning.

I go to a gym, but I don't lift heavy guy weights.

I have a girlfriend who is not afraid of farting out loud. As a girl, I can't bring myself to. I hold it in. I also do not breathe as deeply as I should, cuz I hold those abdominal muscles in. I think sometimes I speak in a higher voice around a guy, but I am not sure.

I have a girlfriend who told me she has been sent dick pics in texts, but I would absolutely die if I got one of those, and I would never send a photo of any of my body parts to anyone.

If I am with talkative music guys, I tend not to say anything, even if I do know something interesting. I do find them intimidating and I know I shouldn't. That's the girl of another time in me.

I am not really shy with two of my girlfriends, but with most people I might act kinda dumb. Not that I am, but fear keeps me quiet. This is an old habit to shake.

I have never been great at saying "This is what I want." I was taught to defer, and I often do.

I'm still delighted excited and surprised and spontaneously happy, and I am still girlishly optimistic and not bitter or hard.

I think I undercharge for my services sometimes, thinking I am not as good as the guys. And you know? I do not like that. I do know things, and I do have skills. I wish I didn't put myself down or underestimate what I do.

My mother once said to me, "Who do you think you are? The center of the universe? Because you are NOT!" And this humbled me. I took pains not to be arrogant or assume I knew more than anyone else.

I will tell you that when I was very young, more than one guy did things to me that were not legit.

I blanked it out, withdrew, later thinking I had done something wrong. I went outside my body, as though what was going on was not happening to me. I think I am still trying to figure that stuff out. Even after all of this ME TOO .

I don't put ages on people and I don't think of the world's peoples as fitting into categories. I feel like a girl that way. I like to encounter a new soul and just enjoy the hell out of the time I have without worrying about how I come across.

I wouldn't mind staying that way, though every day I feel a little closer to allowing myself to say no, not just yes. That was the Toddler Me who said that.

I could go back and keep that person. She could come in handy.

Alongside the one who loves to hug and smile and gaze in a spaced out fashion at the universe, marveling she's even here in the first place.

For this girl, it's actually all good. I think?



62 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


© 2023 by Feef Mooney. Created by Alexa Borden with Wix.com

bottom of page