What's Good, What Sucks: The Bittersweet Lists

I've come to the conclusion, friends, that life is bittersweet.

Whenever I feel like I've got it all, something stupid happens to trip me up.

Like when I recently ran a wheelie bin over my wee toe and fractured it, which is now forcing me to wear a rigid sandal for possibly 6 weeks and avoid standing too long or walking distances.

All of this and it's Music Festival season, the weather couldn't be better... Eh bien.

I'm impatient and you might be too, so here are two lists, and we'll start with the sucky stuff.

ME NO LIKEY:

1. Politics couldn't be worse. The horror of what is happening in the Middle East, combined with the freak show of the Orange Man trials, college protests, RFK Jr, the constant pleas for money from the Dems, who create adrenalized paranoia with their fear that we are on the edge of losing democracy.. It's icky, it's ugly, it's hard to talk about with anyone, much less parse out when alone.

2. The current music industry situation. I'm sick of Spotify and Apple Music and the streaming machines, but my young clients are not, and they rely on them. I despair that we will ever go back to CDs. I can't really afford to create vinyl product and I am not sure how to release what I think might be the best recordings I have ever made, not even to mention the whole promotional campaign. What do you do though? I just wish all of us had more champions, music lovers who were not themselves musicians.

3. The EXODUS occurring in my neighborhood as neighbors older than me sell out to developers who will take their big plots of land, build expensive housing that they themselves will not live in, and sell to people who have no interest in community. When will it end? When can my friends afford to live in my hood? Hard to believe this was a gang infested place, with drugs flowing freely, robberies car jackings and guns. I have lived through all of that here. And now this gentrification.

4. Still isolated after all these years. Still feeling the COVID PANDEMIC blues. Aside from working, my first thoughts are generally to want to unplug and escape, and that often means not engaging in any form of social life beyond social media. That bothers me. Why am I still like this?

5. Finally, the LA bashing. It wears me down. I am sick of hearing about Nashville, and all other locations that are so much better than living here. It's morale destroying. I am not a big city cheerleader, but I tire of the despair in my city lately. It feels like all of us here are on some kind of low wave bummer, expecting the worst and complaining about it with large sighs, and a weird hostile resignation.
   

ALL RIGHT. Now let me leave you with THE GOOD. Yes, I know, I am capable of extreme bleakness. Should I blame my Nordic/Celtic disposition?

FEEF HOPEFUL:

1. My very very dear and talented friends. You know who you are. You know what you put up with, and you are endlessly forgiving, pulling me off the ledge, lifting me up, reminding me that feelings are not facts, that I am capable of futurizing, and catastrophizing, and that I am usually way off. I need you. And you know that. And you know I am loyal as a dog. I often feel not worthy, but I hang in, and I AM WITH YOU.

2. The incredibly beautiful Earth we are living on. Come on. These night time skies? The plethora of green this year? The blooms? the skies? The Northern Lights? what is going on? Never have I felt so much natural beauty in Los Angeles and everywhere. Even the temperatures have been beguiling and seductive.

3. The fact that both my parents are alive. My father still working. My mother still full of tenderness and humor and concern about the world. There is so much love there. And it feels like only now that I am fully appreciating it.

4. My studio is alive with so much talent and passion I can hardly leave it, ever. I work with a 19 year old pianist, a 24 year old composer and all kinds of warm and interesting human beings. I produce, I teach guitar, ukelele, bass, coach vocals, co-write. I am doing almost everything I ever wanted to do, musically. And I am getting paid to do these things. And I have my own space. It feels unreal and amazing, every day!

5. I have genius musical partners. I have made some really great recordings with Fernando Perdomo and Chris Price with some help from Kaitlin Wolfberg and Matt Lomeo and Rob Weiss. And it looks like we are going to release this music to the world this year. Not even to mention that I will be playing the International Pop Overthrow Festival with Fern, Frankie and Michael Collins. More announcements on all of this coming.

6. Finally, I have dreams, and they keep me going. A monthly potluck. A speakeasy . A Neil Young covers band. Sitting in and playing with Medicine Hat, Bobbo Byrnes, Jason Luckett, James Houlahan, Amilia K Spicer. Dreams, perhaps. But that's another post.

Life, my friends, is bittersweet. Change is inevitable.

Still, we live in the mystery. We're not in complete control.

For this, I am grateful, and sign off, hoping I will hear from you.

As always, Feef