It’s shocking at times to admit what I have denied.
Almost as though I could peel away my face, to reveal another layer.
If I were a bird, would I be a crow? Could I caw at the moon? Could I flap my wings and seem to turn the whole sky dark? Do I relay messages of importance to the heavenly aviary? Or am I yet another sound signifying nothing to the 99 percent?
If I were a bird, would I wonder: what is my song? Why do I sing it? And who hears it?
If I were a bird, I would do my bird thing. I’d fly, I’d poop wherever, and I’d make my sounds.
I’m not sure how long I’d live. I might find a mate. I might be eaten by a cat. I might have the longest flight. I might soar high.
I would have to protect myself from predators. I would not want to be shot down. Or attacked by someone bigger than me.
I’m going to pretend that life would feel good. Flying would be fun. So would communicating.
I like being a human being, but I don’t like thinking so much. Not that I want to be on autopilot.
I’d like to sing like a bird whenever I felt like it.
I’d like my artistic impulses to feel that instinctive.
I’d like to move forward with out questioning, or canceling at the last minute, or having a headache.
I went out two days ago, and literally bumped into someone I hadn’t seen in 20 years, She said my name:”Fjaere!” (Fierra, for those of you who know me as Feef.) I was stunned. But in a good way. I love her.
If I hadn’t left the house, this would never have happened. I would have missed part of the magic that is real life.
Real life happens. Fake life builds a cage and makes excuses.
Real life ventures out.
Fake life has all the answers. Real life is an unfinished sentence, not a prophecy.
I forget that sometimes. Nature is going on. The forces of nature make pink sunsets.
Did I close my curtains?
A musician, I think, is a bird.
Every bird has its song.
Every bird needs to sing.
One song is part of a kingdom, an auditory splendor.
It’s a cacophonous choir, no doubt.
In a city of venues and nests.
The flimsy cage has always been open.
I know you are out there with your own special message.
It was made in you when you were born.
Keep at it.
I will find you.
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