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OK WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Writer's picture: Feef MooneyFeef Mooney

So, we're two weeks into our despair, today.

I went into the pomegranate bush and scratched myself up royally picking fruit with thorny branches.

I ate too much sushi at the local, alone.

I'm tired and stupid from overdoing. I have Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony cranked up. I vow to hoover and clean after writing.

I want to keep myself so busy I fall into bed and escape the Trumpmares. So far, I have been unsuccessful.

I wouldn't look at myself and think "You are living with grace in the midst of impending doom." I would fail myself, often, upon review.

But I am going to spend this blog reflecting on myself, what I have observed. Then, I will give myself a good talking to. I can't tell you whether or not any of this will apply to your feelings about yourself, lately. So, let me know. To make this easier to follow, I'll number the talking points, as Questions/Notes to Self:

  1. When you are hit with an impending catastrophe, how do you respond? Admit, you assume the worst will happen. You panic. You are consumed with thoughts about your own survival. You assume your worst fears will come true. But as has been said a multitude of times: what we most fear and imagine is not what will happen. Doesn't worry/anxiety/panic take you to self obsessed thinking? How can this be helpful?

  2. If your dishwasher is overflowing.. if your toilet does not flush, if an AC unit ceases to work during the hottest time of day... what do you do? Consult with friends or go on to a site filled with neighbors who can recommend people who can take care of your problem. Get recommendations, and follow through. Find experts who can fix the problem. I apply this to my existential dilemma in this way: I may need to look for several opinions as to what is going on, and what I can do about it. Regarding Trump, and his "plans" for our nation. If I just can't stomach him, what happened or what is going on, that is another matter. But if I am experiencing a crisis, I may want to get more than one opinion. I will reject the drama voices: Facebook, Fox News, any media with a right-wing tinge. But I may not go to the far-left for info either. I know it is a deep question now: who to trust for information? National Public radio? PBS? The Guardian? BBC News Today? I am not going to go to my FB friend for info, as it may well be tainted with huge feeling, more so than fact.

  3. I need to remind myself of a few things: Trump is not yet President.

    I can take action. I am represented by Senators and Congress people I can phone and email and write. I can urge action. I can express concern. Lest I believe this doesn't matter, let me remind you: you are NOT living in a fascist state. You have phone numbers. Use them. Write. Email. Call.

  4. California did not vote for Trump. Well, some people did. But most did not. Recognize this and reach out to local government. There are local groups too. You may be part of a union. You may be aware of Civic Sundays. The ACLU. If you are pissed off that all they seem to do is ask you for money, call them. Ask how you can volunteer? How can you be of service? Isn't there a Women's March coming up in January? Are you going to help people who disagree with what seems to be going on? This is a time to connect with others who share these apprehensions. A time to say, I am with you.

  5. Maybe what has happened, re the Election, indicates that we are divided as a nation. But maybe it also is telling you that you have still not come out of your Covid closet. Maybe the events occurring indicate that it is time for you to wake up, connect, volunteer, get out of your own head, show up for something. Maybe the fear you feel now relates to an ongoing fear and anxiety, one that began when the world shut down, and a deadly virus threatened all life on the planet. You have to say to yourself, are you still stuck there? And you gotta kick yourself out of that bed of discomfort.

  6. Finding a bunch of people online who share fear and anxiety can be soothing, in that misery loves company manner. But it is exactly what "the other side" wants. It is a form of resignation, and even laziness. It is the anti-volunteer. If minds labored to create Project 2025, who is laboring to create its antithesis? It is one thing to bemoan a reality potentially imposed upon us. it is another to say, no, I choose THIS INSTEAD.

  7. We can moan and criticize and analyze all we want as to how we ended up in this mess. Is the whole thing a sham? A conspiracy? Trump did not really win? This is not happening? Or, is it the fault of those who sat it out and did not vote? Or it is the Democrats who could not get close enough to the fears of economy, groceries and immigration, and lost many rural white voters and suburbanites? Or is it that Putin was meddling? Or is it that the kids don't care ? Is it that democracy is dead already and besides we live in a Republic? Haven't you heard it all? Is this soothing? Or does this imply that you don't need to do anything? For me, COVID was kinda nice. I am an introvert, and I was all too happy not to have to socialise. Getting out and being with people is work for me. I would rather just not know, hunker down with a book, or a streaming series and fall asleep on my sofa. But aren't I, then, a big part of the problem?

  8. This attitude that oh well, I will just move away if it gets bad in the States... is all well and good, BUT... wherever you go, you take yourself. And you might feel as though another country would be far easier, more picturesque and not full of fascists.. but you might be surprised to find that rednecks and bigots and sexists seem to live all over the globe. Many things we take for granted, especially in Los Angeles, are not to be found in these picturesque places, which, at the end of the day, can be quite lonely. You are an American, after all. And this is how you will be perceived, and why should anyone apologize for that? Are the Europeans that much better? No, truly, they are not. People are people. Being a tourist is far different than being a local.

  9. Consider that in the melee of the election, perspective has gone out the window. When friends advise you to practice self-care, I think they are admitting just that. So, work, sleep, eat, connect as you have, but think about what you can do for someone else, in the smallest way. When something truly BIG looms, think SMALL. Why? Because you can do SMALL. And lots of small actions mount up and become something remarkable. This is how you turn things around. Do good deeds, however small they may be. Hold off from deciding you know the end of the story. Do what you can. reach out and LOVE SOMEONE. Some might say that despair is the ultimate selfishness. Consider children, elders, and animals, and workers who have no time to cry in their beer. Weep and wail, sleep, then get on with it.

  10. I think you might have read me talking about something called THE F CLUB. This is part of my way of dealing. I am shaping this concept. And will write about it next week. It is along the lines of SMALL IS BEAUTIFUl.


    If you have managed to read all of this, of course, I would love to know how you are dong, what you are feeling, and how you are reacting and responding these days. It does matter.

    More now than ever.



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6 Comments


Tj Sullivan
Tj Sullivan
Nov 23, 2024

This Year can't End Soon Enough for me. I've had Surgeries, Friends and family Dying everyday All Around Me. I've managed to write quite a bit, but I'm at a loss for the Grooves and Riffs to make them Come Alive. I'll continue to Love Guitars, Guitars, Guitars!



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wendysuewsr
Nov 21, 2024

Taking a walking beanie break in the park.

This whole thing was like a sudden death… shock, surprise, denial, acceptance, anger, and. …. Hmmmm

The thing about the democrats, is, we are all so diverse and think so differently that we do not have one United voice. And are so shocked that either outrage or retreating are they ways to go.,

It feels so impotent to watch things unfold and feel so small and unable to just make things right. .. right away.

Not sure what to do. So many people didn’t take Hitler seriously or were too afraid to speak out, and…….

Because we are so divided in our own party and don’t have a clear vision, voices, or…


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wendysuewsr
Nov 21, 2024

well my first reaction, because I am ME is that my dong is fine 😂

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Johnny Schaefer
Johnny Schaefer
Nov 20, 2024

I appreciate your thoughtfulness and am interested in the F Club. Regarding #1-I am not pre-occupied with thoughts of fear only for myself and my loved ones. I am genuinely fearful for millions of other people. As a gay man I have fought all my life for the right to simply live my life on the same playing field as anyone else. I have been so joyful about all we have done. In a flash, all of it can be wiped away. It's exhausting and demoralizing, I'm keenly aware that that is exactly how they want me to feel. I am doing my very best to balance information from as many experts in various fields that I have talked with,…

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rizzorobert57
Nov 20, 2024

I went to prison at 18 after throwing my 14 year old sisters rapist out a 3rd floor window. He was from a very well to do Jewish family. The court gave him 90 days. I could not deal. I had to do something.

When I was found , tried and convicted for attempted murder , I was given 8 years. I was transferred to Greaterford. I was about 125 lbs , pretty and 18. Every day was a test ...

If not for my celly Kelly I would not be here. But he was in for a triple murder of a bunch of rich frat boys who had made his life a living hell.The world is a better place.…


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Johnny Schaefer
Johnny Schaefer
Nov 20, 2024
Replying to

Thanks for sharing that. I'm so happy you have found peace through spirituality and music. I am trying to do the same.

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© 2023 by Feef Mooney. Created by Alexa Borden with Wix.com

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