The Really Real: 5 of 12

I had pretend friends when I was a little kid. Did you?

One was named "Goopty Guy ." He was floppy and couldn't stand straight. He laughed a lot and you could take him with you anywhere. He didn't mind grown-up people, but he didn't live by their rules, either. He stayed up late at night. He liked to eat cereal in bed. He was fond of singing and could tell stories that would surprise you, but not scare you, for their endings were always happy ones.

I still dream of pretend beings.

I used to hope that I would have a vision of Christ. One time, I did think I saw him on a wooden telephone pole. The streetlight was blinding, but I could swear he was there, not suffering, just reminding me that he was accessible.

A lot of people I have yearned for are NOT ACCESSIBLE. Especially in Los Angeles. Finneas and Billie might live here, and maybe even close to where I stay: but do you think I will ever have a conversation with them?

I did have the fortune of meeting Leonard Cohen, and bumming a cigarette from him, at The Mint.

He was approachable and gentlemanly. He made you feel like his friend.

A celebrity, whose name I won't reveal, was drunk and asked me for a cigarette. He was very flushed in the face and kind of rude. Sometimes people who are special in your imagination are very disappointing, in the real.

I made up a character. I called him "Free" and then I decided I would love to be in love with him.

He would have magical powers. He could commune with hummingbirds and whales. He could fly anywhere, anytime. He could make peace with difficult forces and bring serenity to all of the planets. His powers would benefit everyone, not just the few who might know him.

I started to think about how I would feel if I were really free.

What would it mean?

I wouldn't have pain. I wouldn't worry about money. I wouldn't worry about what people think of me. I wouldn't be sad all of the time about the way things are going in the world.

Is it possible I could be free?

Freedom is a big concept I have wrestled with all of my life. It seems ironic, when you think of Kris Kristofferson:" Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

Lose it all and gain everything?

Maybe all I have lost is part of who I am now. Maybe I have more freedom than I think I do .

In the meantime, I prefer to dream up beings who can do what I cannot.

And live in some sort of mystery that one day more will be revealed, rather than lost.

I'm in love, at the end of it all, with a mystery.

And always asking "Where will you take me?"