Somewhere along the line, like a fish, I got hooked.
I wanted to know you and I wondered if I would.
Maybe I found you online and followed you in the cyber world. It seems more likely now, post pandemic.
A couple of years ago, I remember waking at 3am, and going on to my Facebook. A poet was there, a guy who volunteered in group homes and skid row. It seemed he lived alone. He asked me if I lived in Noho and I said yes. Then he suggested we go to Denny's on Burbank and have a coffee!
I came close to getting in the car.
I've come close, with strangers, those with whom I share friendly banter.
If I wanted to take it a step further, of course, I would have to show up in the real.
Facebook feels like a flirtation with friendship, perhaps not the real deal. Reality means being seen with dark circles under your eyes, having unfresh -looking moments, feeling like you're not measuring up to the image you created of yourself. The next F word: Fantasy.
I think we are a society fed on obsession via fantasy and fixation. We have media that feeds us endless Taylor Swift. They've made her The News of the Day, and a talking point, someone we should care about. Which came first, I wonder. The fandom or the endless exposure on social media? What do I think about her? Actually, I don't think about her. But wait, please don't be offended.
I do my best not to think about DT, who is also constantly a media obsession. I don't want to talk about him. There are 100 other people I find myself fixated on. They have ideas. They are interesting. They own pets and they read books.
It might be fate that we meet. At an Amoeba Record store event, when we are both standing in the same queue, and you start to talk to me, and I want to talk to you, and then you invite me to an event at TCM Fest because your nephew is presenting. And you give me your card.
The next F word: Follow-through. If Fate brings us together, what will be the aftermath? Will one of us Flake?
Perhaps Fate presents us with myriad possibilities for Friendship. Perhaps Fear gets in the way.
What remains in my mind is the What If? What if I had gone down to Boardner's on Sunday, instead of reading magazines in bed in my pajamas all day? What if I had met the fabulous Ruby Friedman? Would something have happened? Would I end up seeing her again or talking to her about music? Would she end up at my studio? Would we be friends? Would I play guitar for and with her somewhere?
Between Fate and Fixation, exist possibilities too many to imagine.
A few years ago, I found Fernando Perdomo online and we ended up sharing each other's CDs. His music blew me away, and I played Zebra Crossing over and over again.
However, it was Fate that Fern ended up living five blocks away from me, which led us to the inevitable: making an album. We've been pals ever since and have had strange moments.
Like the last session at Stairway, when Chris Price and he and I were recording, and Fern got news that he had to vacate the studio. Why was I there, then? Is there meaning to this?
It can be overwhelming to realise how much love is available. You have to take stock and commit to what you can, though I am constantly falling and then running away.
In a world that is supposed to be so terrible,full of evil monsters, I find the exact opposite.
There is so much beauty, so much goodness, so much love.
Consider me hooked. Frail at times. Flaky. Fortunate.
I want to know you. And I still wonder if I will.